June 12, 2024

Bachelor Tea: The Off-course beginning

The Bachelor is BACK and it was anything short of a hot mess.

Pilot Pete was introduced to us like normal. We relived his heartbreak and watched his road to recovery from a broken heart as he embarks on his own journey. Then, we shift on over to being introduced to the thirty beautiful women who will compete and battle it out for Peter’s heart.

It all seemed normal for the most part.

The cringy windmill jokes, the tears and first make outs were all pretty on course. Even Hannah surprising Peter by stepping out of the limo to give him a pep talk and return his wings was pretty average.

But, Bachelor producers work hard to keep us on our toes and make sure we can’t tell their next move. Well, they completely shook our lives up on NIGHT ONE by going completely off course from the usual night one set up.

They took out the live shots and viewing parties to give us three dates including having Hannah host the second group date focused around sharing a sex story? Interesting. Diabolical. I respect it.

Let’s back up and discuss main takeaways from the first two hours and 45 minutes before the Hannah/Peter backstage cry fest.

The Introductions

Introductions are always a mess. The sex jokes, the animals and the costumes are all always cringy but they keep us entertained.

The Winner: Ashley P.

Did Jenna make a lasting impression on Peter? Not really. She was sent home packing night one but why I consider her the winner is because she garnered the most attention on social media from her introduction. It takes a lot for these contestants to hold our attention on night one and Jenna managed to have all of twitter buzzing about Ashley P., her emotional support cow. Unfortunately, I did have to google what her name was but Ashley P. will be forever.

P.S. Never forget the girl who thought it was a pony.

The Loser: Katrina and Victoria F.

When you’re the guy who had sex in a windmill four times, the sex jokes will obviously be made. That’s fine. How you execute it is the key, right?

Well, Katrina truly could’ve just said “I have a hairless pussy” and I would’ve felt more satisfied then the awkwardness of her showing us her hairless cat. No offense to people who love hairless cats but it’s not an attractive animal and it just wasn’t a vibe. She ultimately got sent home and with tears like that I assume she might be a pretty attractive choice for Paradise.

I will say, Victoria F. is not my cup of tea. I actually have already decided that she sucks and I will hate her for the rest of the season. I knew this prior to the show. To watch her in action…

Her poorly executed joke about Peter making her wet????? Who and what told her that was going to be memorable or a good introduction? It was honestly uncomfortable. If that’s the route you’re going to take please at least be confident. She went on to awkwardly throw a fit when he didn’t remember her joke and cry about it after you’re probably the 29th girl in a row he talks to? Unfortunately for me, she got the final rose of the night.

Honorable Mention: Kiarra

First Impression Rose: Hannah Ann

I had high hopes for Hannah Ann. When looking through her social media and reading her bio on ABC I really wanted to like her. But, she was a complete let down. It isn’t even the fact that she “broke the rules” and talked to Peter three times during the first night. I just genuinely did not like her. She really isn’t an enjoyable person to watch. I didn’t really care for her because she came off completely fake.

If you go back and watch her she loves the camera. She knows the things to say and how to act when they’re present. She’s clearly going to be the girl who will smile in Peter’s face and start the drama when he’s gone.

Her face off with Shiann: HILARIOUS. I’m all for girl drama because it makes my night more enjoyable but Hannah Ann is not what I expected. But, if history repeats itself, the girl who gets the first impression rose never wins. This season is already off to an unconventional start so nothing matters anymore anyways!!!

First Round of Dates

God bless Bachelor producers. Taking away the live show and the watch parties was the greatest gift next to making Peter the bachelor. Although rushing into the dates felt a little weird since I felt like it rushed through the important bulk that is the first night.

First group date: Flight School

I clearly need to watch Top Gun. The first group date was pretty expected. The most fascinating thing about Peter is his career so I assume this will be brought up consistently and used as a tool for dates. The highlight of this date was honestly the two women conducting the class who just ripped the girls apart.

The girls being mad at Kelley for making her own rules and winning the date is the level of petty I expected. Confronting her is so TACKY. Kelley had nothing to lose in that situation. The worst that could’ve happen was they tell her she lost. The best case, was exactly what she got which was riding with Peter and sharing a romantic moment in the sky together. Girls who go on this show thinking anyone owes them anything or that there’s any rules to follow truly kill my vibe. They sit there having pity parties while the girl who is bold enough to try something gets time with Peter. Bold moves make a statement and sitting patiently waiting your turn makes you forgotten. How have they not figured this out by now?

One on One: Weber Vowel Renewal

Madison is in my top three. She is beautiful, she’s goofy and comes off very genuine. All her mannerisms and face time on camera comes off what I expect her to be like back home with her friends or family. She’s truly won me over already because I truly feel that what she’s giving us is 100 percent real.

Being chosen for the first one on one date is huge. The producers making it a meeting with his entire family and attending his parents vow renewal? WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES????? If we go back to the history book, the people who win these type of personal dates NEVER make it to the end.

I am not surprised this very “not staged” vow renewal happened but I am surprised it was the first date. I can’t imagine what is to come the rest of the season to be honest because this truly was a very surprising move. Madison’s face when seeing what they were doing was very much a genuine surprise and we’re with you.

Although this date was set up by the show and timed strategically, I really do love his parents and think their love is so important because any girl who talked family had Peter hooked. Madison is very clearly just as committed to family as Peter and although for Peter we find it endearing, I think with Madison it might bring up issues down the road because I smell an overprotective father.

Group date #2: Awkward Sex Sharing windmill date with Hannah B

The devil works hard but the Bachelor producers work harder. That has to be one of the most awkward date situations I’ve ever watched. I’ve been watching the show for a long time and I can’t explain how much I wanted to TV to catch on fire than to continue to watch Hannah tell the story of the windmill to Peter’s new girlfriends.

There’s nothing to say because the date never really happen or isn’t really over?

Let’s talk about Hannah

I want to start by saying that I am queen of deep, dark google holes. I know more about this franchise then I want to admit. I’m also a member of a Facebook group strictly dedicated to Bachelor Nation.

The producers tricked me this time. All the promos really had me thinking it was going to be an easy going meet up. I thought Hannah was really there just to say “hey” and get the new girls riled up and make them think their lives were over. Well, I was extremely wrong.

This was a lot more than any of us ever saw coming.

If you’ve watched this show long enough it really isn’t hard to know when situation was truly expected and producer influenced or if it caught them completely off guard. Hannah’s mascara mess gives me the sense that she obviously had no idea she was going to cry. Does anyone actually believe that she wouldn’t have had on good mascara if this was going to happen? Hannah is an actual celebrity now. She has a stylist and make up artist and all the fun extras. This was not staged.

That was so hard to watch.

Obviously, Hannah isn’t joining the show. I don’t have any doubt about that. Dancing with the Stars is an actual contractual commitment and Peter also has a contract with the show. But, the feelings that were being shared were a lot to process. It’s clear there was never any closure and to listen to Hannah admit she thought it was going to be Peter and Jed in the end was SHOCKING.

I’m convinced she never loved Tyler and I am forever confused why she took him to the final two. But, again she also picked Jed so really nothing makes sense.

I have a lot of feelings and part of me wants them to end up together in the end and I think it’s bias from how fresh the wound is from Hannah’s tragic end. The most alarming situation in this is that Peter is the bachelor as someone who is still very clearly in love with Hannah and has all the doubts a front runner shouldn’t have. You’re supposed to be ready to find your spouse and Peter basically made it clear he’s ready to end it all for Hannah. I think asking her to come on the show is all legalities because he knows he has a contract he has to go through.

I am genuinely concerned for his journey because how do you go on to date so many women when you’re still very clearly in love with your ex who you wanted to propose to?

This season is going to be NUTS so lets buckle up.

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Jacqueline Cordova 23 Articles
Staff Writer

Jacqueline is a proud graduate of Iowa State University. She is a college wrestling gal, social media queen and photography guru. She works for Cyclone Fanatic and proud contributor and family member of TGS. You can find her watching trash TV when she's not watching sports. She is also overly obsessed with Russell Westbrook and will take no slander. Will forever be the youngest TGS member regardless of who joins.

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