September 25, 2018

ICBYHST: Hudson Hawk

ICBYHST: Or I can’t believe you haven’t seen that is a phrase you often hear in this day and age of tv and movies. There is just so much going on or it was made before your time. But these pieces for The Tailgate Society are going to focus on having people watch movies that they swear they are the last one to see

I watch entirely too many movies, so it came as a bit of surprise to me when Ted mentioned Hudson Hawk, and I realized I had never even heard of it. This obviously needed remedied. Thus, I decided to sit down and check out one of Bruce Willis’ kookiest roles.

***Spoilers to follow***

 

Overview

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Hudson Hawk was released in 1991, sandwiched in between Willis’ roles in Die Hard 2 (1990), The Last Boy Scout (1991), and Pulp Fiction (1994). This period was arguably the peak of his popularity, yet he still found time for one of his pet projects in HH (he actually co-wrote the story and theme song). It honestly plays like a live action cartoon, with Willis’ Hawk wanting nothing more than the simple pleasure of drinking a cappuccino after finally finishing his stint in prison but instead being cornered into another heist every time he’s about to finally complete that task. The corny jokes, the incredibly over-the-top aspect, the crooning during heists – it’s all here. The story itself is more than a little suspect but if you can suspend belief and get past that, this is quite the time.

 

Highlights

Da Vinci styled to look like Jesus.

One of the Mario brothers shooting Hawk’s cappuccino out of his hand with a silencer to get his attention in a packed bar…and no one bats an eye.

The thumbcuffs.

CIA agents all being named after candy bars…after initially being named after diseases (“Do you know what it’s like being called Chlamydia for a year?”).

An entire scene with a gurney flying down the freeway (“1-800-I’m gonna fucking die!”).

James Coburn as the CIA head. He steals every scene he’s in.

Lowlights

The opening flashback. Didn’t serve any purpose at all really and didn’t fit with the rest of the movie.

Andie McDowell, Richard Grant, and Sandra Bernhard. Their characters are all really flat and lame.

Hard to follow occasionally. Feels like there’s just a bit too much going on too fast (even if that’s not really the case).

The entire story (like I touched on above) is a just a little far out there for me.

Hawk’s earrings.

Frank Stallone being completely wasted.

Verdict

I’m not really sure how to rate it. Am I glad I finally saw it? Yep. Am I looking forward to seeing it again? Eh, not really. I suppose I’d say it’s probably worth a watch, but it’s far from a “good” movie in the conventional sense (though undoubtedly entertaining). That said, there are definitely worse ways to spend 100 minutes of your day.

 

 

Jake Ohlde 18 Articles
Staff Writer

Hails from a minuscule town of fewer than 100 people in north central Kansas. 3rd generation Kansas State alum with a distilling science major. Fervent Wildcats, Royals, Thunder and Stars supporter. Harbors an unabashed love for blink-182 and pineapple pizza. Here for the Family Feud conspiracy theories.

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