Hello friends, I’m filling in for Janice this week and it’s my goal to provide you with the same high quality content that our star NFL previewer has brought you throughout the season. In case you’re unaware, I’m the same NFL fan that can change the trajectory of multiple franchises, and gambles his life away on this stupid game week after week.
Last week was feast week in the NFL and there weren’t really too many surprising results outside of whatever the hell happened down in Tampa that resulted in Seattle throwing up a five spot. Naturally, I’m anticipating chaos this week.
Dallas Cowboys (10-1) at Minnesota Vikings (6-5)
Let’s see here. The Cowboys have won 10 straight and the Vikings have lost 5 of the last 6. The Cowboys feature a rookie tandem that are both making cases for Rookie of the Year while the Vikings star rookie, Laquon Treadwell, has one catch for 15 yards. The Cowboys have a coach of the year candidate and the Vikings have a Special Teams Coach filling in for Head Coach Mike Zimmer as he underwent emergency surgery for a detached retina last night.
Kansas City Chiefs (8-3) at Atlanta Falcons (7-4)
The Chiefs are that team that loses at home to the Buccaneers and wins in Denver. No, really. That happened. Back to back weeks. Meanwhile the Falcons doubled up Arizona last week, yet lost to the Eagles who have lost 6 of 8 since their 3-0 start. Am I going to pretend to know which personality of either team is going to show up? Am I going to pretend to know if Tony Gonzalez will go into the Hall of Fame as a Falcon or Chief?
Detroit Lions (7-4) at New Orleans Saints (5-6)
The Lions have lucked themselves into being legitimately good. That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but the Lions have won so many games by the skin of their teeth, or making some remarkable comeback, that they have now convinced themselves they should win every game. That’s wild.
Meanwhile, lately the Saints have either been murdering teams or losing in absolutely heartbreaking fashion. While that narrative would seem to pair well the the Lions’ late game heroics, I have a hard time going against the Saints in NOLA.
Los Angeles Rams (4-7) at New England Patriots (9-2)
A story told in two tweets pic.twitter.com/BELz03zbJ0
— Charlie (@CharlieWisco) December 1, 2016
Denver Broncos (7-4) at Jacksonville Jaguars (2-9)
I could write something about how the Broncos are good and the Jags are not, but instead I’d like to pose a serious question.
Will Blake Bortles throw more touchdowns to the Jaguars or Broncos?
Houston Texans (6-5) at Green Bay Packers (5-6)
The Packers defense has been…umm…..not great as of late? You know what cures that though? A nice cold glass of Brock Osweiler. The Packers looked to have at least figured something out on offense last week against the Eagles and I’m envisioning the Texans tripping on their own feet enough to cost them this game.
Philadelphia Eagles (5-6) at Cincinnati Bengals (3-7-1)
You know what this game is thankful for this week? The 49ers-Bears matchup. Without it this would be a garbage game between to floundering teams. The Bengals look inept without AJ Green and the Eagles have lost 6 of 8. Please don’t watch this. It’s for your own good.
Miami Dolphins (7-4) at Baltimore Ravens (6-5)
The Dolphins are the anti-Eagles. They’ve won six in a row and they head to Baltimore where they haven’t won since 1997. In my time as a Dolphins fan I remember specifically celebrating one particular win over the Ravens. The game that prevented an 0-16 season.
San Francisco 49ers (1-10) at Chicago Bears (2-9)
Do I have to write about this? I mean I’m just a guest commentator filling in. Wait, I make the rules? Sweet.
Buffalo Bills (6-5) at Oakland Raiders (9-2)
This should be a fun one. The Bills are putting up points in gaudy numbers with the exception of the Cincinnati game. The Raiders are good, but seemingly allow every team to hang around every week. With a broken pinky, Derek Carr will look to continue the Raiders hot streak while the Bills are looking to catch the Dolphins in a race for the final wildcard spot in the AFC.
Meanwhile, Kelechi Osemele and the Raiders offensive line are just out here throwing dudes.
— Blackhanside (@blackhanside) November 28, 2016
New York Giants (8-3) at Pittsburgh Steelers (6-5)
Another game with real playoff implications? Cool, better get it out of the way before the primetime games. What would be better than Antonio Brown and Odell Beckham going head to head in a prime time showdown in Pittsburgh? Whatever. The Giants are kind of a paper tiger, and don’t have a really good win since week one. Meanwhile, the Steelers have been remarkably up and down, dealing with Roethlisberger injuries and suspensions, and need this game to keep pace with the Ravens in the AFC North. Can’t wait to watch this one.
Washington Redskins (6-4-1) at Arizona Cardinals (4-6-1)
Carson Palmer being 67 years old is really killing Arizona. David Johnson is having a remarkable season, but the team results just aren’t cooperating. The Redskins are surging behind Kirk Cousins, who is having an awesome year after betting on himself and turning down an extension last season. While they didn’t pull off a Thanksgiving win in Dallas, they did show me a bit of something and I think they go into the big toaster and put a whoopin’ on a reeling Cardinals team.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-5) at San Diego Chargers (5-6)
So the Bucs are…good? Coming off back to back wins in Kansas City and at home against the Seahawks, it’s hard to bet against Jameis Winston and star receiver Mike Evans, but they’re facing an absolutely desperate Chargers team that is on life support as far as a playoff berth goes. I’m expecting an all out assault here by Philip Rivers, and I see the Chargers winning in a shootout.
Carolina Panthers (4-7) at Seattle Seahawks (7-3-1)
I’m sure the schedule makers thought they were so smart in putting this game in a prime time slot. Then the Panthers went and stunk. They seem to have turned a bit of a corner after early season struggles just to see Luke Kuechly go down with a concussion. The Seahawks, meanwhile, can’t seem to figure out their running back situation and went down to Tampa last week and lost 14-5. Yes, you read that right, 14-5. I have no idea which team will show up, but I’m not betting against the Seahawks D and the 12th man in a nationally televised contest.
Indianapolis Colts (5-6) at New York Jets (3-8)
What a downer of a game to end a fairly exciting week on. Indy got crushed by Pittsburgh on Thanksgiving without Andrew Luck and the Jets were the Jets against the Pats. I won’t be watching this, there’s meaningful basketball and hockey on. Watch at your own peril.