May 24, 2019

Berder Wars

Our president did a dumb, and Clemson paid for it. Probably in the bathroom.

Imagine the feeling of getting an invitation to dinner at the White House after winning a national title. It’s a silly little tradition, but tradition nonetheless, for the nation’s greatest champions to share a meal at the nation’s greatest house with the nation’s greatest leader. So, the Clemson Tigers dressed up in their Sunday Best, got on an airplane, went to DC. Then a horrified public got to see their representative and America’s Richest Poor Guy, Donald Trump, serve them three grand worth of lukewarm fast food.

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It was absurd. Clemson employs someone they most likely pay over $50,000 a year to ensure that these guys are well-fueled athletic machines, and because our president is a lazy dickhead who projects his problems on everyone around him, they didn’t even get to break the rules for something good. They shoved Big Macs in their faces like they had won a youth football title. They ate McNuggets off the state china and grabbed dip cups out of silver gravy boats. Dang right, most of the country recoiled in horror at the images.

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Look at those two. Mike Pence looks like he can’t wait to go home and get the smell of fast food and Trump musk off in a nice bath, and the Orange Idiot has the glazed over look of a man whose lust for shitty burgers is only outweighed by need to grab and violate the golden vagina next to him.

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Embed from Getty Images

Embed from Getty Images

What the crap is up with this cheap POS? (Oops, I meant POTUS. Sorry, trying to delete.) Couldn’t do better than the 2 for $5 deal? Also, what the crap is up with America? Everything is broken, reality is now a surrealist art installation, and instead of a silver lining in a dark cloud, all I can find is a half-finished steel fence with peeling brass paint, the ground on either side littered with McDonald’s wrappers and misspelled tweets.

We might as well own it at this point. Someone put his stupid limo from the 80’s up on 3 concrete blocks and a jackstand on the South Lawn of the White House, and leave the Christmas lights up year round. Take Melania’s shoes and trap her in the kitchen until she produces an edible meal. Whatever we do, we definitely should argue more about cheeseburgers and ignore the big orange problems in our lives.

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Tami Dooley 122 Articles
Chief Shade Officer

Tami is a 5th generation Idahoan, who lives in Boise with her husband and their elderly, yet adorable, poodle named Cooper. She likes Boise State, the Seattle Seahawks, music that is fast and loud, and believes that all perfect breakfasts involve both potatoes and beer.

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