June 24, 2018

Becca’s Boys: “The Bachelorette” Power Rankings – Episode #1

Let’s just rip the Band-Aid off: I’m a “Bachelor” fanatic. I’m not even embarrassed about it enough to label it a guilty pleasure. It’s an addiction, and I love it. Follow me this season as I break down the most dramatic season yet (and attempt to avoid spoilers).

When we last saw Becca she was getting her heart broken by Arie and, then, almost in the same breath was named the next bachelorette. ABC has not hidden the fact (as they have in the past) that Becca fell in love with two guys but is currently happily engaged (presumably to just one). Life comes at you fast in this franchise.

We start Season 14 of the “The Bachelorette” in a familiar place: the mansion. Becca is joined by the last three bachelorettes. Rachel, JoJo and Kaitlyn give her the scripted annual advice of “listen to your heart” and remind her that her gut is probably right since all three of them ended up (and are still with) their “First Impression Rose” recipients.

Night #1 is pretty typical. If you’re reading this article, you know the gist, so let’s get to the guys!

Front runners:
1. Garrett, 29, medical sales rep: Garrett is an outdoorsy hunk who pulls up in a mini-van and later shows Becca how to fly-fish in the mansion pool. He’s basically a Minnesota girl’s dream man. She immediately states how her family would love him, and they just look freaking good together. Garret gets the “First Impression Rose” and the only kiss of the night. Get used to seeing his name in this section.

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2.  Wills, 29, graphic designer: I hardly noticed Wills at first. Literally all I wrote down when he got out of the limo to remember him was the color of his tie. Then, he got some alone time with Becca and won us both over with his Harry Potter tattoo (nerd alert!). Those eyes don’t hurt either.

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3. David, 25, venture capitalist: Okay, I usually hate the contestant that shows up in a costume but the chicken dude eggcelled. When he finally took off the head, there was a cutie underneath, and Becca seemed to really dig him. Never underestimate a guy that can make a girl laugh.

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Contenders:

4. Blake, 28, sales rep: Blake was the clear winner during the “After the Final Rose” episode where Becca got to meet several of the guys before night #1. That didn’t change much tonight. They bonded over recent heartache, and the jaws of life probably couldn’t have torn their hands apart from each other.

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5. Colton, 26, former pro football player: I would be shocked if this guy doesn’t make it to at least hometowns. He’s religious and started a non-profit for kids with cystic fibrosis. He’s also, according to previews, a virgin.

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6. Lincoln, 26, account sales executive: You can’t have a season in this franchise without there being someone that is well liked by the Bachelor or Bachelorette but also comes with drama. Insert Lincoln. I have no proof of this yet, just a gut feeling.

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7. Chris, 30, sales trainer: This guy is suave. He mentioned her uncle Gary, brought a choir to serenade her, and told a story about how his grandparents got marred after only two months. I’m not a fan, but she clearly likes him.

You’ve Got Potential:

8. Jean Blanc: Obsessed with colognes.
9. Connor: Got down on one knee after getting out of the limo (Becca did that to Arie).
10. Clay: Shy and awkward but has potential to move up.
11. Christon: Literally dunked over Becca during his alone time in the driveway.
12. Ryan: Plays the banjo, was on “After The Final Rose.” Will likely be friend-zoned.
13. John: Created the Venmo app.
14. Leo: Big hair

(Technically) still in the game:
15. Jason: The guy that does nothing but talk about the other guys.
16. Rickey: Danced with Becca.
17. Trent: Pulled up to the mansion in a hearse. That’s weird, right?
18. Mike: Brought a life-size cut out of Arie with him.
19. Nick: Showed up in a race car driver suit (why are they intentionally bringing up her ex-fiancé?)
20. Alex: I remember literally nothing about this guy.
21. Jordan: Model, douche. Definitely not here for “the right reasons.” 100% chance he gets eliminated on a 2:1 and goes directly to Paradise.

Ciao!
Joe, Jake, Grant, Chase, Kamil, Christian, Darius

 

Lindsey Schoon
Lindsey Schoon 10 Articles
Staff Writer

Lindsey is a Pocahontas, Iowa native. After receiving her Kinesiology degree from Iowa State University she moved to San Diego, California to see if anyone there knew what kinesiology was and how it could make her money. No one there knew either so she now tells a Fortune 500 company in Kansas City how to spend their money. Her New Years Resolution is to be able to touch her toes someday. She looks good in hats, likes the worst dog more than the best person, and doesn't give a fuck what you think of her.

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