July 14, 2024

Mt Rushmore Week: Worst Bar Customers

It’s a Friday night and you’ve been planning a big night out with some friends for weeks. Everyone has a few drinks together before catching a ride to the bar. Upon arrival, the bar is packed, the music is loud and it seems like everyone is having a great time. When the opportunity finally presents itself to order a round of drinks, the bartender seems to be glaring through you and into your soul. Chances are the bartender is actually a really nice, fun person, but has probably encountered one of the following customers. Don’t be these customers.


The Clueless 21 Year Old

Usually pretty easy to spot right out of the gate. He or she walks into the bar and has a gaze on their face like they’ve just stumbled into the Lost City of Atlantis. Their order has a consistent mix of phrases like “I don’t know what I want” and “I don’t drink that much,” followed by “just surprise me” or “something strong and cheap.” I understand very few are experts, but at least have a general idea what you want.


The Whistler/Snapper

I got it, pal, you’re ready for a drink. I see you, no need to assault my ears as well. Odds are pretty good that when it’s finally time to order, he or she isn’t sure or has to turn and ask all their friends what they want. Also, don’t be offended when the bartender snaps back when this you are no longer paying attention, but finally up in line.


Person Who Insists On Paying Because “I Tip Better Than Him”

They don’t. If someone is bragging about how much they tip or intend to tip, I don’t expect much. Bad tipping is one thing. Building yourself up to be Robin Hood and then tipping shitty is just a dick move. It’s better to just be disappointed in a tip rather than disappointed and angry at the person.


The Passed Out Customer Who Wakes Up Thirsty

Not everyone knows their limits, or some refuse to acknowledge them, and overindulge. If you’re drunk, put your head down and take a nap, chances are the staff will wake you up and tell you that it’s time to leave. About 75% of the time, this isn’t a problem. The other 25% of the time, the customer has a response of, “Nah, I’m fine. I’m fine. I just need another Captain and Coke.” When asked again to leave, it occasionally turns hostile with at least one form of “fuck you” being thrown around. With a real Wild Card, a drunk person will occasionally try to push and shove and cause a scene. While incredibly frustrating to deal with, sometimes it can be entertaining. A really drunk person trying to push someone usually just causes the drunk to stumble backwards. If you’re asked to leave, please just leave.


Honorable Mention:

This doesn’t qualify because it’s not necessarily a customer, but just an overall asshole. And that’s Person Who Thinks They Can Steal from the Tip Jar. If I catch you, I will do my best to break your face off.

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Shawn Fensterman
Shawn Fensterman 46 Articles
Staff Writer

Shawn is from Indianola, Iowa, and today it still remains home. After finishing high school with a stat line of 1 career target, 0 receptions and 1 drop, he realized the NFL would not be in his future. Shawn is a huge sports fan, yet only cheers for one team within a 10 hour drive. When not complaining about how stupid the 2:00 warning is; Shawn works as a bartender, enjoys quality vodka, cheap beer and beating any challenger in NHL video games.

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