September 21, 2017

Mt Rushmore Week: TV Drunks

I can already tell you this list is going to upset some people. The first two are easy, but the bottom two are where it gets difficult. If anyone is qualified to make these picks, I feel like it is me. That being said, let’s get on with the list.

 

Norm 

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CHEERS — “Woody Gets an Election” Episode 21 — Air Date 04/22/1993 — Pictured: George Wendt as Norm Peterson (Photo by Paul Drinkwater/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)

If you were talking about the best TV drunks and had to name one, anyone 30 years or older would pick Norm from “Cheers.” Also, they would absolutely be correct. “Cheers” will go down as one of the best sitcoms of all time with a great cast of characters. But back to what makes Norm the greatest TV drunk—he had his own stool, a never ending tab, and a drinking buddy who was always there to exchange stories.  Norm simply was the best.

Barney Gumble

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This might cause some people to be upset. They might say that if you are going to include a “Simpsons” character, it has to be Homer. But if you look deep into your soul, you will know that Barney is a much bigger drunk then Homer ever was. Barney has all the characteristics of being a great TV drunk. He is always drunk, always quick to fight, looks disgusting, and is a great friend to Homer.

 

Sterling Archer

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Are you allowed to put two animated characters on this list? It’s my list and I make the rules. For those who don’t know, Sterling Archer is a super spy who is constantly drunk while getting into and out of sticky situations. I mean, look at this quote from him: “I’m scared if I stop drinking all at once, the cumulative hangover will literally kill me.” If that doesn’t get you on the list, I don’t know what will.

 

Don Draper

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Originally, I was going to put Jim Brockmire in the fourth and final spot. But it might be a little too early to give such a prestigious honor to a character whose show has only been on TV for one season. Everything Don Draper did on “Mad Men” was cool. I have never had a cigarette and he made me want to smoke. He is the reason I have booze in my office. (Okay, that might be a lie.) But damn, was Don Draper cool as hell. Except that season where he was too drunk and became a raging asshole.

 

Honorable Mentions

Jim Brockmire

Homer Simpson

That Ron guy from “Parks and Rec.” Sorry, I have never seen it, but he looks fun in gifs

Cliff from “Cheers”

Drunk Monica from “Friends”

Bender

 

That is all I’ve got. Feel free to come discuss this with me in the comment section or on Twitter.

Ted Flint 79 Articles
Site Founder - "The Man With the Plan"

Ted's friends often refer to him as the “Angry Panda" because of his cuddly, teddy bear-like nature and his fierce loyalty to those close to him. He's also not afraid to bite if you cross him or any of his allies. Born and bred in small town, southeastern Iowa, Ted took his Iowa State degree and moved to Kansas of all places. Ted loves to hold on to those small town roots though, by refusing to acknowledge any music made after 2005. His major goals include making the internet fun again, seeing the Cubs win a World Series live, and having a beer with Jon Stewart. This website is a step toward one of those goals.

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