August 23, 2017

The next 100 days for the Trump Administration: A Wishlist

Photo credit: Sean Spicer, White House press secretary

Next week, The Trump administration will reach the 100 day mark. It’s a totally arbitrary timeline, but they’re the ones that made the promise to do a bunch of stuff in the first place. I don’t feel like putting myself through the ridiculousness of rehashing the last 100 days, many people better informed than I have done that piece already.

There are 10 things I would like to see happen over the next 100 days that would make this country a much better place, though:

10. Jeff Sessions needs to go away. Don’t care how it happens, but I want that guy as far away from law enforcement as humanly possible. Elon Musk, pls convince him to go to Mars. (It’s going to take a bunch of money, sorry. It’s the only thing he responds to other than racist dogwhistles.)

9. Repeal and replace with Single Payer. Yes, the House of Representatives is so fractured that any legislation that escapes to the Senate will be so detrimental that the Senate will never pass it. Thanks, Freedom Caucus! However, if somehow we got sucked into an alternate reality where these guys start being able to do math and understand that single payer would save us a fortune on the whole, even if the insurance/pharma industries take an initial hit, maybe we’d end up with universal health care and join the rest of the developed world.


8.  Paul Ryan is an ineffective leader and bad at policy. He didn’t want to be speaker, hell, not sure he wants to do anything but admire his muscles in the mirror, bang the gavel, listen to himself talk, and look pretty on TV. He is on the people who gotta go list with Jeff Sessions, if only because he had two and a half years to come up with a workable health care plan and instead took Obamacare, stripped it of anything helpful, failed to pass it, and is possibly back with something even worse. Go home, Paul Ryan, and listen to Papa Roach in your bedroom while jerking it and shitposting about how much you hate women on 4chan. Just like you did in college after you got done drinking around that fire, dreaming about taking folk’s health care away.

7. James Comey better be wrapping up some investigations in the next 100 days. Or at least writing some letters to congress.

6. Melania needs to move the fuck to Washington, and figure out how to keep President Trump there much more often as well. Mar-a-Lago is a private club and every dollar that the government pays to rent stuff from that club (or any of his properties) from rooms for staff to things as trivial as f’ing golf carts is lining his stupid, cheaply made pockets. We pay a shit ton in taxes each year to have millions going to businesses he did *not* divest himself of. Besides, I want her living there when the price this family has to pay for their dirty dealings comes due.

5. No. Wars. Look, we know that any wars that happen are going to be caused by Trump hearing something that annoys him on Fox News and CNN, and the war hawks ruffling their feathers and taking flight. Do I want North Korea’s government to knock off their shit? YES. Would I like Assad to stop murdering his own people for reasons that nobody really understands but him? Accurate. Do I think we can do it by bombing? Sure. Can we do it and win? That’s another question indeed.

4. Look, I’m just saying, let’s get all the people out of Texas who don’t want to live in a GOP dystopia ran by these guys, move everyone else who wants to live in that world *to* Texas, and just, let em go. Can try to build their wall, have their corporate government, and mistreat as many people who sign up for it as possible. Texas is a big place and sacrifices must be made in a democracy. If any state in the union might actually do this, it’s that big hearted/crazy pants place. I really think we could make this work unless…


3. The Russian Influence storyline needs to morph into its final form – Trump/Russian Collusion. If treason could be proven, I would like to see everyone from the Mercers down to the lowest guy on the appointment totem pole ran out of the country on a rail in a mixture of O Brother Where Art Thou and walking the plank from any pirate story ever.

2. The states could vote for a constitutional convention to fix this themselves. The election system is sick, and needs fixed, and can’t be without some changes. One little amendment eliminating First Past The Post voting, or even as wide ranging and crazy sounding as instituting secure online voting, declaring election day a national holiday, eliminating partisan redistricting oversight, and reworking the caucus and party finance rules to prevent anything like Trump from ever happening again. In the future, baby, anything is possible.

1. Trump resigns. I don’t want him to be able to slink away without having to look the press corps and the country in the camera/eye and admit that he did it, either. I want a non-refutable pee tape, evidence of years of planning, implication of his entire family, and a punishment fitting to the crime – banishment to Siberia. Good luck with Putin after you failed him on the international stage, y’all.

If only alternate universes were able to be accessed – maybe my bruised little liberal heart could by soothed by living in the America described here rather than in the surreal reality that is currently ours. President Trump is in way over his head, his kids are too, and this country is going to be in some real shit if there is an actual disaster that befalls us. Especially since it will just be more cover for more lawmakers to make horrible decisions on behalf of their paying constituency – corporations and special interest groups, anyway. Until science gets us there, it’s going to be a matter of being involved where we can as a citizenry, and watching in horror as this slow motion train wreck of an administration develops. It’s going to be a long, hot summer.

Tami Dooley 82 Articles
Chief Shade Officer

Tami is a 5th generation Idahoan, who is pretty sure these guys think Idaho is somehow Iowa, but is rolling with it. She lives in Boise with her husband and their poodle and is a rabid Boise State fan. After a short but illustrious career of standing in remote places holding a stop sign, Tami now holds a respectable job and feigns adulthood on a regular basis.

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