August 21, 2017

Putting the Gold on GOLDBERG? Give me a break

CM Punk left the WWE frustrated with everything. He had many gripes. Most, if not all, were valid. He dropped the title he had held for 434 days to the Rock, a part timer, just in time for Wrestlemania. The Rock was a household name and one of Vince’s boys, so he got the title after not being an active wrestler and even leaving the WWE while having an active contract to go make movies. Fans were upset but could live with it because they liked the Rock. He could still wrestle, was in a great shape, and could cut one hell of a promo. Bill Goldberg, can not. Goldberg can not wrestle.

Kevin Owens, much like Punk, was a God among insects on the indie scene who finally made it to the WWE. The Universal Title was created for Raw but Owens carried the title AND the show for months. We all knew he was going to lose – and he did. To Goldberg. Who can’t wrestle.

The best thing about Goldberg is the entrance music. The worst thing about Goldberg? Everything that happens after that. Goldberg’s “matches” have lasted less than 30 seconds with him executing exactly TWO moves for maybe a total of 10 seconds. He can barely walk after he gets done. He’s exhausted, doubled over trying to catch his breath. And you thought the Undertaker looked old? That dude can still wrestle for 20 minutes, even if he should have retired five years ago. Hell, Goldberg needs an oxygen tank to make it to the ring.

Fans whine that John Cena “can’t wrestle,” but in all honesty, they were tired of his moves of doom and just plain tired of him, period. He didn’t measure up, in their eyes, to the great technicians like CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, or Dolph Ziggler. But if they were honest, they knew he could wrestle. Look at his open challenge for the US Title.  They were some of the best on Raw. That’s where Owens debuted and won CLEAN over Cena.  Now we got Goldberg beating Owens, clean. But Goldberg has CAN NOT WRESTLE. And he’s the champ, going to Wrestlemania, against the beast incarnate – Brock Lesnar.

WHO THE F- CARES?!!!! Seriously. This much hyped match from over a decade ago was terrible. Thirteen years of polishing a turd has not made it any better. Then they do it again and Lesnar loses clean in 1o seconds to Goldberg. Not anyone, but BROCK LESNAR. A human monster. A guy they pushed as unstoppable.  A guy who threw John Cena around a ring like Evan Bourne and introduced the world to Suplex City. The conqueror who ended the Undertaker’s streak at Wrestlemania. Nobody could stop him, until a 50-year old Bill Goldberg came in – not being able to wrestle. Bill hit a football tackle and modified vertical suplex to win the title – in 10 seconds because Goldberg can’t wrestle.

To be fair, Bill was never a great wrestler. The only reason his own “streak” started was because of the Monday Night Wars. The WWE had a bald guy with a goatee that was driving the ratings machine and dominated WCW. WCW responded with their own muscular bald white guy with a goatee and made him a thing. He was the guy they could market. He never went through the powerplant, or paid his dues like a DDP or Booker T. He wasn’t even a pro wrestler at that point. So WCW manufactured “The Streak” by having him beat guys left and right in quick matches. They even ignored the fact he actually got pinned by Raven in a match because Bill was too bad of a wrestler to kick out at two.  WCW referee Billy Silverman had to save his ass and say it was a two count and Bill went on to win, yup, a Title. Raven is a wrestler that was so good he made CM Punk cry.

Bill was such a bad wrestler he ended Bret Hart’s career. Bret Hart, “The best there is, the best there was” was one of the best wrestlers in his era…before he got hurt – by Goldberg. Goldberg couldn’t properly execute a kick. That’s right, a KICK. Dean Ambrose can’t do it, but he never ended a legend’s career.  Eventually WCW went under and Goldberg went away with it. Which is where he belongs and should have stayed. NOT IN A WRESTLING RING. But go ahead and tell me again how great all his matches with Brock have been since you need to keep lying to yourself about the fact that the matches have been absolute garbage and that Bill Goldberg sucks and has always sucked. Nathan Jones has had more compelling matches.

Wrestlemania 33 had a great WCW wrestler make his WWE debut. Sting had a hell of a build up and run before the match even when he didn’t wrestle. Sting was THEE guy in WCW for decades. He finally comes to the WWE and loses clean to Triple H. He never sniffs another match after getting injured but it seemed like the WWE wasn’t going to use him much after that anyway. They were never going to let that WCW guy win. Before getting hurt, Sting was still in phenomenal shape and could actually wrestle. And he got…nothing. No title shot. No clean wins over current talent. Nothing.  But Bill FREAKING Goldberg, who hasn’t seen a ring in a decade and looks like he hasn’t wrestled in a century gets the tile. HE CAN NOT WRESTLE. And…he’s the champ. And the WWE complains about not being able to create new talent, new household names. They can’t reach the height of the old guys. Yet the old guys show up for a couple of weeks, beat the new guys, and then disappear again. The old guys get a nice fat paycheck for a couple hours of work spread over a few weeks, maybe a couple of months. The new guys who have been wrestling for months and years to get their shot, get….nothing. Step aside. It’s Wresttlemania season. You understand why that guy who hasn’t been here in years gets your title and more money than you do. It’s best for business. But…it’s crap like this that drives wrestling fans nuts.  It’s crap like this that made CM Punk leave. It’s crap like this that make diehard wrestling fans want to leave.

Goldberg winning the title is as stupid and misguided as the Wrestlemania “Thrill Ride” promo. Nobody wants this match. It’s pointless, it’s unwanted, and the WWE is doubling down on it is stupid.

J.T. Nutt 16 Articles
Staff Writer

JT "the" Nutt graduated from UNI in 2006 and worked at WHO-TV for a few years including Soundoff. JT then spent the past five years covering UNI most recently for On Press Row. He works as a cameraman for the Iowa Wild, Iowa Energy, and Iowa Barnstormers. JT loves the Cubs, UNI, Avalanche, Chargers, beer, hockey, the WWE, and cat memes.

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