June 24, 2017

ICBYHST: Jonathan F*cking Wick

Image credit to flickeringmyth.com

For my second installment of “I can’t believe you haven’t seen that,” I’ve finally watched the balls to the walls action flick John Wick. After finally getting around to watching this masterpiece on the most beautiful day of the year (842 days after its release date), can you guess how many times Ted has said “you need to watch this or you’re fucking fired?”

I loved most of it, but I kind of want some back story on the hotel, the gold coins, and why in the hell there are so many assassins in New York. Is there this much organized crime still going on? Are the gold coins that this society runs on from the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie?

Just imagine for a second that Boondock Saints and The Matrix somehow screwed. John Wick would be their love child. It’s got everything you could possibly want in a shoot’em up, revenge seeking action flick. When the home invasion scene happened, it made me furious. Right then I knew this was going to be an all-time great. Those bastards deserve the gruesome deaths they suffered. The sequel came out on the 10th, and I’m sad I didn’t have this watched and a place in line to see the sequel.

Keanu appears to have done most of his own stunts in this one, so don’t actually fuck with him in real life. OK? Here’s proof.

Now we’ve all probably seen him in a movie with some similar fight scenes, but it was an entirely different genre. They’re both fucking legit in my book.

Neo kicking everybody in the face. Useful, maybe.

I assure you that it’s just as good if not better than his Matrix character, Neo. If you haven’t seen it, go get it tonight and watch it. This has to be my favorite. I’m totally pumped to see John Wick: Chapter 2 and there’s no chance I’m waiting 842 days to see it!

Send me your favorite kills in GIF form if you read this.

Jared Smith 49 Articles
Key Grip Supervisor

If you don't know what a ‘Key Grip Supervisor' does, you can't afford one. One of the best key grippers of his generation, Jared is also the well-documented fashion icon of southwest Iowa. While it's hard to list all of Jared's specialties in this limited area, one of his most prevalent skills is making the editor work overtime. He's also an expert at almost everything, just ask him. When he's not busy retweeting crying Jordan memes, you can find Jared fishing, grilling, pounding vegas bombs and taking the family on road trips.

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