June 24, 2017

Spanos is Spanish for spineless – a rant from a Chargers fan in Iowa

(Editor’s note: There is a bunch of foul language to come, so be warned!)

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS HORSE FUCKING SHIT?

Are serious Clark?

Don’t push me, Eddie.

I have been the anti-outrage guy recently but then the Chargers gotta…Charger.

After 56 fucking years in a beautiful fucking city that could be considered heaven in San Diego…

Y’know the fucking town that Lewis fucking Black used in a joke that “the best job in the world is being a weatherman in San Diego.  You make six figures and your job consists of ‘Hey Lewis how’s the weather going to be?’  ‘I don’t know, nice.  Back to you.”

and to steal my favorite Lewis Black quote

“JESUS FUCK!!!!!”

About the only fucking good thing going for the Chargers right now is their uniforms.  They are a fucking work of damn art.  The lightning bolt looks sweet.  They had the ONLY good looking Color Rush (SPEAKING OF TERRIBLE FUCKING IDEAS) uniforms.  The Powder Blue is the best looking uniform in sports.

I FUCKING PAINTED MY DAMN BATHROOM WALLS THAT FUCKING COLOR.  I FUCKING GET NAKED NEXT TO IT AND I DON’T CARE…

anyway…alright…enhance your calm John Spartan

TO HELL WITH THAT

The Chargers are a dumpster fire and have gone full fucking nuclear and gone to Cleveland and now the fucking river is on fire.

(Philip Rivers is on fire?)

NO THE FUCKING RIVER.  THAT FUCKING THING MADE OF H 2 FUCKING 0 IS ON FIRE.  FREAKING LIQUID FREAKING WATER IS ON FIRE

(they lost to the Cleveland Browns)

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!  I called that shit!  A week before, a month before.

Spanos and the ownership couldn’t hit water if they fell out of a fucking boat.  Whether the boat and/or water was on fire.  It doesn’t matter.

They fired Marty Schottenheimer after a 14-2 season because Eric Fucking Parker fumbled a ball and Nate Kaeding probably missed a FG he hit 809 fucking times in the regular fucking season.

Nate’s a damn good dude.  Got to meet him in Des Moines and he asked me “Why the hell are you a Chargers fan in Iowa?”

THAT’S A GOOD GODDAMN QUESTION NATE!!

A team that circled the drain of mediocrity for 10 fucking years and has gone through a ton of coaches since then.  Hiring Norv Fucking Turner ended the exact way it should when you say “I’m going to hire Norv (fucking) Turner.” They eventually got Mike McCoy and fired him.  He had to rely on his 6th fucking string Center last year because the other ones got fucking hurt.  And this year, they lost their 3rd down running back (Danny fucking Woodhead), their #1 wide receiver (Keenan fucking Allen), and a great linebacker (Manti Te’o and his imaginary fucking girlfriend) in subsequent weeks in the 1st fucking quarter.  That’s bad luck, not bad coaching.  Then they blew a bunch of large fucking fourth quarter leads and went from leading the division to the basement of the division.  And Denver didn’t even have a fucking quarterback.  McCoy got blamed for all of the losses but it’s not all on him.  He didn’t make bone headed decisions on the field or take stupid fucking penalties that ended Chargers drives and extended opponents drives.

Speaking of driving.  The fucking traffic in LA is the worst in the world not named Mexico City.  Shocked you didn’t move the team there, actually.  You want to make the team international and all. And honestly, the Chargers are pretty popular with the Latino population.  But anyway…

NOBODY IN LA GIVES A  FLYING FUCK IF YOU HAVE AN NFL TEAM THERE.

Everyone is too busy trying to bone a Kardashian or Wiz Khalifa’s sister

(she’s a Washington Capitals fan, y,know)

DON’T INTERRUPT ME

The only fucking people that care about LA having a fucking football team are people that are not in LA to buy tickets for a fucking football team.  It’s the same people that thought Rutgers to the B1G was a great idea.  “We’ll get the TV market!”  was the reason.

YOUR THE FUCKING NFL.  You have that  market.  You have EVERY MARKET.  You

(telemarketer calls asking to speak to the owner of my workplace)

OH FUCK YOU.  If you were the owner of the business would you fucking answer phone calls from a fucking area code you don’t fucking recognize to a guy you don’t fucking know who you don’t know his name and he doesn’t know your fucking name. But hey, yeah.  You can talk to the “bizness owner” you worthless fuck.

Anyway.

DO YOU REALLLLLLLY THINK MOVING THE CHARGERS TO LA IS GOING TO ADD MORE FANS TO THE FUCKING SEATS?

(We Got a new logo)

OH FOR FUCK SAKE!!!  DID YOU USE MS PAINT FROM WINDOWS 9 FUCKING 5 OR WAS IT 3.1  Or was it Mario Paint from the SfuckingNES.

As one of the writers on TGS said “It looks like Metallica fucked the Dodgers”

Y’know what, fuck Metallica and Lars Ulrich’s whiny fucking arrogant ass while we’re at it.  Fucking pissed off about the .mp3 and Napster bullshit back in the day when musicians don’t make DICK off selling a song.  They make it in merch and concerts.  But yeah Lars, thank you for your fucking contribution to society.  Prick.

Fuck the Dodgers too.  The only good thing about the Dodgers is Vin Scully.  Dodger Stadium looks like a shit hole.  Much like Quallcom was.  But nobody is asking for the Dodgers to move back to Brooklyn for a new stadium.  Can you fucking imagine ESPN if there was another team in New York?  They’d have to stop sucking off the fucking SEC and get off Tom Brady’s cock long enough to write some lame ass story about how fucking great New York is.  And the relate it to Tim Tebow for some unknown fucking reason.

The Dodgers are a staple in LA.  The Chargers will fucking not be.  The Chargers SHOULD STILL be a staple in San Diego.  San Diego Super Chargers sounds fucking good because it is fucking good.  The Los Angeles Chargers of Anaheim by way of Barstow and fucking Bakersfield does not have the same ring.  It’s awkward and stupid.  It’s stawkward!

(That’s not a word)

FUCK YOU. That’s a a word.  It’s a fucking noun, a fucking pronoun, a fucking adjective and a fucking verb.  It’s the only word that better and more versatile than douche.

Fuck.  LA doesn’t even care about sports WHEN THEY GO them.  Dodgers fans get there maybe  by the 3rd inning and might MIGHT see the 7th inning fucking stretch.  And the Lakers aren’t for fans, it’s to be seen at a fucking Lakers game.  And how may fucking lakes do you have there anyway?   You got less Rivers now… I know that much.

This is the same fucking team.  The SAME FUCKING TEAM that thought Ryan Leaf was awesome and that Drew Brees was extendible

(Drew Brees was hu-)

Yes Brees was coming off an injury but they got  jack fucking shit for him because they just let him walk.  The guy who constantly leads the lead in YARDAGE was not worth signing and trading?  No wonder you couldn’t get a stadium deal done.

The Q wasn’t nearly as bad as the Metrodome.  The Metrodome and whatever fucking dome was in St. Louis were fucking dumps.  But we have to keep up with the fucking Joneses in real fucking life and with stadiums.  The dick measuring competition in how much money can you spend on it and how big can you make it. Jesus, that sounds like an ad for Viagra! Much like George Fucking Lucas with adding shit the original Star Wars because “we got computers to fucking add shit now” nobody stopped to ask IF we should do it.  Too busy asking how.

We COULD move the Chargers.  We COULD build a new stadium but what SHOULD we do.

Not ask the tax payers to pay for it.  Hell no.  Not ask tourist to pay for it with taxes on traveling to San Diego.  Thank you San Diego for voting that down.  Or asking the NFL who was somehow a “non profit” organization for years with more money than God

(You mean Donald Trump)

OH FUCK.  I digress.  I just can’t do this anymore…Imma just copy my tweets and post them below.  And then see if wearing a Shawn Merrimann jersey around Tila Tequila can’t get me a date.  Speaking of tequila…

56 fucking years in the same great town and Spanos is leaving for a city that doesn’t give a shit because the NFL has boner for LA.

Every fucking NFL fucking team has failed in LA. EVERY SINGLE ONE HAS LEFT. The Rams left shiny happy LA for St Louis to play in a dome.

The NFL put pressure on the media to put out all these fluff pieces on why LA is so fucking great but it’s a damn lie.

Moving teams to LA is doing it for the exact same reason the B1G added Rutgers instead of Syracuse or Louisville. TV MARKETS!!!

What fucking good is being on in a TV market if nobody there is watching it

Fucking Christ. No wonder the Chargers are a mess on the field when guys like Spanos are calling the shots. It’s fucking pathetic.

Hey Chargers ownership. Maybe you’re the fucking problem and not the city, fans, or teams. The media doesn’t like you & the fans hate you.

J.T. Nutt 15 Articles
Staff Writer

JT "the" Nutt graduated from UNI in 2006 and worked at WHO-TV for a few years including Soundoff. JT then spent the past five years covering UNI most recently for On Press Row. He works as a cameraman for the Iowa Wild, Iowa Energy, and Iowa Barnstormers. JT loves the Cubs, UNI, Avalanche, Chargers, beer, hockey, the WWE, and cat memes.

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