October 17, 2017

Why you are picking the wrong Solo cup color

The purpose of this blog is to ask the tough questions in life. To reach deep into every reader and have them question their core beliefs. Imagine this scenario: you’re at a tailgate for a sporting event. You just dominated in beer pong. Now you’re about to destroy some burgers and brats. You down the last sip of your drink, and now all you can see is the empty white inside of the cup staring back at you. That’s when you realize—you need a refill. You set a cup on the table to prepare to make the drink. What color is the cup?

You have two options. Red or blue. If you picked any other color, you are doing it wrong. Go sit outside, adults are talking.

If you’re like me, you head to the grocery store and pick up the famous Solo cups before hosting a party. It is here that you’re faced with the question of which color of cups to purchase. There is a right answer to this conundrum. In this article we are going to explore that correct answer.

Blue.

“But Brett, Red Solo Cups have their own song!” ( See Toby Keith).

First off, it’s scientifically[1] proven that the color blue helps cool the air particles around it. That means your drink will stay colder longer. Also take into account that red is the universal sign for hot. If I pick up a red solo cup filled with my drink, my brain is going to tell me that the beverage inside is warm. Now you’re tricking yourself into thinking your iced drink is warm.

Just because a majority of people think red is the correct Solo cup color and it has all the publicity doesn’t mean that it is the right answer. Remember, the majority of people thought the world was flat at one point. Many people thought that if you sailed long enough, you would never run into what is now America, or that you would just fall of the face of the Earth. Not discovering America sounds pretty un-American if you ask me.

Did you know that China and the Soviet Union are communist? Take a guess on what their flag color is? That’s right. It’s red. No traces of blue anywhere to be found. When Betsy Ross stitched our Old Glory, she put the color of freedom in that son of a bitch. Blue. Now listen here you commie bastards—drop that red solo cup and pick up the color of freedom. God Bless America.

[1]** if you are actually looking for a citation for scientific evidence… Well…

Brett Stiles
Brett Stiles 14 Articles
Former Staff Writer

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