December 5, 2020

NFL week 3 preview

We’re two weeks into the NFL season and injuries are a-plenty. Confusion, frustration, and false hopes have all begun to settle in. I would just like to remind EVERYONE that it is week two. Week two of 17. That means there are 15 more weeks of games ahead of us. A lot can happen in 15 weeks, so hold your horses. I’m looking at you, Seattle fans. Calm down – Russell Wilson’s ankle will heal. Calm down. As for you, Eagles fans, you also calm down. You’ve played two of the worst teams in the league and you’re 2-0. Congratulations, but let me remind you, it’s week two.


Injuries are the worst part about real life football and fantasy football. Adrian Peterson tore his meniscus and had surgery this week. They’re saying he’s not done for the season, but will miss a couple months. Jimmy Garoppolo and Josh McCown are both injured and won’t play this week for their respected teams. Browns rookie WR Corey Coleman broke his hand in practice and will miss some time. Doug Martin is out 3 weeks, Ameer Abdullah is on IR, Gronk is still iffy, Danny Woodhead is out for the season, and your entire fantasy team is in shambles. It’s okay to cry.


Houston Texans (2-0) at New England Patriots (2-0)

Hooray! Another edition of Color Rush Thursday Night Football! The Texans will be in an all grey and red ensemble (because grey is one of their colors…) and the Patriots uniforms actually look like something they could wear more than once. Jimmy Garoppolo was injured last week, so third-string quarterback, Jacoby Brissett, will start in his place. The Patriots had a healthy lead on the Dolphins last week pre-Jimmy G injury, so Brissett just had to hang out and protect the ball. The Dolphins fell just short of a comeback, though, putting Pats fans into a small panic.

Houston currently has the third-ranked total defense (again, it’s week 3) and leads the NFL in sacks. That defense against a rookie QB = potential death. This matchup might be closer than we all expected and actually worth our time this week.

However, Bill Belichick still exists. He’s a magician and he’ll find a way to win with Brissett.


Winner: New England Patriots

Arizona Cardinals (1-1) at Buffalo Bills (0-2)

The Cardinals were back to contention form last week, blowing out the Buccaneers 40-7. The Buccaneers are a mediocre team. You know who else is just as bad of a team? The Bills. The Bills are a god damn dumpster fire. Arizona is only going to add more fuel to that fire.

Winner: Arizona Cardinals

Oakland Raiders (1-1) at Tennessee Titans (1-1)

The Raiders have looked pretty great on offense, boasting the number one ranked offense in the league so far (again, it’s week 3) but are dead last on defense. The Titans so far have a middle of the pack defense (14th) and their offense, is also meh. Look for both teams to put up a ton of points, unless the Titans slightly better defense can get the best of Oakland.

Winner: Oakland Raiders

Washington (0-2) at New York Giants (2-0)

The NFC East is still wide open – with the Giants and Eagles sitting atop the division early with 2-0 records. Both of these teams are pretty mediocre, the Giants won last week without scoring a touchdown on offense. There’s so much mediocrity in the NFC East. But it was fun to see Victor Cruz salsa last week. Also, Odell – I need you now more than ever. Points, please.


Winner: New York Giants

Cleveland Browns (0-2) at Miami Dolphins (0-2)

These poor Dolphins. They keep trying so hard to beat teams they’re not supposed to. Alas, the NFL gods are here to deliver them the Cleveland Browns. Who are on their third starting quarterback this season (it’s week 3). I’ll keep this short.

Winner: Miami Dolphins

Baltimore Ravens (2-0) at Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2)

The Jaguars are another team that have been trying so hard to win, but they just can’t seem to do it. They have that weird see-through pool at their stadium though and that’s more than the Ravens can say. The Ravens offense has had trouble running the ball, but have a bit more of an edge than the Jags. Ravens are number two in total defense and number one against the pass. Bortles has had an interception problem already this season. Those two things don’t mesh well.

Winner: Baltimore Ravens

Detroit Lions (1-1) at Green Bay Packers (1-1)

Even though the Lions are at the bottom of the NFL barrel, the Packers have had some trouble getting it going this season. They barely snuck past the Jaguars, then fell to a Bridgewater and Peterson-less Vikings team. The Lions always play the Packers tough and the games are always close. Look for the Lions to put up a fight with their division rival and for Aaron Rodgers to yell at more of his teammates. Is no one going to help Mr. Olivia Munn?


Winner: Green Bay Packers

Denver Broncos (2-0) at Cincinnati Bengals (1-1)

The Denver Broncos defense is BEASTLY. But their offense isn’t quite clicking – especially in the pass game. However, I don’t think that even matters because their defense isn’t taking shit from anyone. The Bengals currently have the second best passing offense in the league, but their defense hasn’t quite found their groove. The Broncos defense plus their 4th ranked rushing offense against the Bengals’ mediocre defense is a recipe for the Broncos to get their first road win and their third win to remain undefeated.

Winner: Denver Broncos

Minnesota Vikings (2-0) at Carolina Panthers (1-1)

Carolina boasts the best rushing defense in the league and Minnesota is now missing Adrian Peterson. However, their defense has kept them undefeated so far this season. Their offensive line hasn’t been the best, and now we add the drama of the Charlotte protests into the mix of this nightmare of a season for the Vikings. Yet, they’re still 2-0. Carolina’s offense vs. the Vikings defense might be one of the best matchups of the week.

Winner: Carolina Panthers

St. Louis Rams (1-1) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1)

The Rams haven’t scored a touchdown yet this season, but were able to get one more field goal against the stalled offense of the Seahawks. But the Rams are heading out to the other side of the country, to face the Buccaneers who just got embarrassed by the Cardinals. The Rams offense hasn’t scored a touchdown. They’re non-existent. Except for Todd Gurley, who still isn’t performing how he was expected to. Bucs are at home and they’re pissed off after a terrible showing against the Cardinals. Time for the Rams to start their yearly slide to 7-9.

Winner: Tampa Bay Buccaneers

San Francisco 49ers (1-1) at Seattle Seahawks (1-1)

The 49ers and Seahawks used to be a primetime matchup. It was just three years ago, that they were the cream of the NFC crop. Now the 49ers have no identity, no offense, and a meek defense. They shut out the Rams, then were embarrassed by the Panthers, 40-27 last week. The 49ers are probably pissed off but they have bigger problems to handle. Like this:


Seattle is at home, though their offense is struggling. That team hates to lose and comes out blazing hot after a loss like the one against the Rams. Russell Wilson’s ankle is clearly still a problem, as well as Thomas Rawls not being able to get anything going. Doug Baldwin also was banged up last week, but said today, barring a set-back, that he will play this week. Meanwhile, the Seahawks defense is ranked number one again. They’re the only reason the team is not 0-2. Sorry, Russ. I love you. If this offense can stay healthy and get clicking, and the offensive line can block better than a wet paper bag, then everyone better watch out.

Winner: Seattle Seahawks

New York Jets (1-1) at Kansas City Chiefs (1-1)

The Jets pulled off a squeaker against the Bills on Thursday night last week, while Kansas City lost to the Texans on the road. The Jets have the fifth best rushing defense in the league and the offense is top five in total offense and rushing. The Chiefs are middle of the pack in just about everything, but if that defense can get to the Jets offense early, this might be a decent matchup.


(This came up when I searched Andy Reid. I couldn’t resist)

Winner: New York Jets

San Diego Chargers (1-1) at Indianapolis Colts (0-2)

Boy are the Colts a mess or what? Their short-lived comeback against the Broncos last week was a massive failure thanks to Von Miller. Thankfully for Andrew Luck, Von Miller doesn’t play for the Chargers. Melvin Gordon is going to have a hayday against the Colts’ garbage defense. Philip Rivers’ and his 15 children are going to enjoy this game against the Colts… I really, really don’t give two shits about this game at all. You shouldn’t either.


Winner: Philip Rivers and his 15 children.

Pittsburgh Steelers (2-0) at Philadelphia Eagles (2-0)

Let’s start with this:


Philadelphia fans overreact as much as Seattle “12s”. The Bears are not good and neither are the Browns. This will be the first game the Eagles have played against a real team. But you know what? I think they’ll be just fine. Carson Wentz is, as Monty G says, hawwt. And I enjoy watching him. The Steelers are going to give the Eagles the first real test, but I think the Eagles will come out on top.

Winner: Philadelphia Eagles

Chicago Bears (0-2) at Dallas Cowboys (1-1)

This is a terrible Sunday Night Football matchup. They couldn’t get anything more interesting than this? Like watching Ryan Fitzpatrick’s beard poke through his chin strap while he throws dimes against the Chiefs secondary would be better than this. The Bears are flaming hot garbage. These young Cowboys are trying to find their way and the Bears defense will keep this game close for a hot second. Then we’ll all go to sleep early in preparation for another Monday night snoozer.


Not so fast my friend.

Winner: Dallas Cowboys

Atlanta Falcons (1-1) at New Orleans Saints (0-2)

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the NFC South! Where defense doesn’t matter and Drew Brees is king. If you like offense, especially passing, this game is for you! Atlanta has 2nd best offense in the league – 1st in passing and just 17th in rushing. The Saints have the 9th ranked offense and the 4th best passing offense. As for the defensive side of the ball, both are ranked in the bottom five. This is going to come down to who has the ball last and who can throw the most touchdowns. Hint: Drew Brees.

Winner: New Orleans Saints

Tune in next week to find out who else got hurt so I can remind you how much your fantasy team is in shambles, and to see what other great Andy Reid gifs hit the internet. This is the greatest game on the face of the earth.


Janice Morin
Janice Morin 18 Articles
Former Staff Writer

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