May 26, 2017

What I want from licensed team gear

Women like sports. We make up 45% of NFL fans, yet put up with roughly 97% of demands to verify our fandom with trivia. We deal with leagues that clearly don’t care about domestic or sexual violence, patronizing “football 101” events, and absurd purse rules.
Sandal
But there’s one injustice in sports that nobody’s talking about: the god-awful selection of licensed team gear designed for women. It’s pink. It’s sparkly. It’s cut to fit some creature that is neither female nor human. It’s a scourge.

Sports franchises of all types keep selling this garbage, which suggests someone keeps buying it – but my gut tells me it’s mostly middle-aged moms making misguided purchases for their daughters, along with women who are just too tiny to wear the men’s sizes.

And yeah, I checked with the smaller women of TGS in case my branded apparel problems were unique to women built like me – they’re not. This stuff is universally bad, and I’m here to help.

Here’s what I need from licensed sports apparel:

1. A v-neck of appropriate depth, preferably in a cut that goes straight down on the sides instead of going in. A normal length would also be great here.

Jersey 1

2. Cotton. Just regular cotton. Not stretchy, not paper-thin, and not that weird “burnout” fabric.

3. Team colors. No pink. Especially not that fugly Pepto Bismol pink leagues use to pretend they care about breast cancer.

Pink

4. Something free of rhinestones, glitter, studs, and anything else my mother-in-law might refer to as “bling.”

5. Reasonable sizes. If your men’s line goes to a 3XL, maybe your women’s line shouldn’t stop at ladies’ L. Ideally, these sizes would be in line with every other women’s clothing standards instead of running three sizes smaller.

6. Something that doesn’t include a sexist or otherwise idiotic message – which seems like a given, but, well…

Sexist Shirt

I would love to show examples of great women’s team apparel instead of the What Not To Wear All-Stars, but I haven’t found anything worth buying. If you find something that meets my criteria, be a buddy and drop me a line.

Sarah Kelly Shannon
Sarah Kelly Shannon 10 Articles
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Sarah Kelly Shannon has three first names, but is always looking for a few more. A native of Lawrence, Kansas, Sarah has lived a total of 24 years in college towns. Her brief journalism career took her to College Station and Iowa City, where she became one of the foremost authorities on late-night junk food and quality beer specials. Sarah's bulldog, Red, is the greatest dog in the world. That may sound like a subjective statement, but it really isn't. You're just wrong.

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